All Aboard The Break-Up Train

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upset cupidNow that Valentine’s Day is over and I no longer fear cupid shooting me in the eye with an arrow gone awry, I thought it safe to write on this topic. It may have been that the Mercury Retrograde that we are in was particularly hard on relationships, or perhaps the full moon energy we just exited had a strong cleansing effect, but in the last couple of weeks I saw several long-term and seemingly promising relationships around me suddenly come to a halt. In addition to a degree of shell shock, such news immediately triggers so many questions. Being a spiritual guide and soulmate expert does not exempt me from these normal human reactions, but I’m always happy to receive and share any insights.

One of the first questions that might come up in people’s minds or conversations is why/how when they seemed so happy! A relationship is like a living organism, made up of the energies of two individuals. So many things have to be considered when trying to determine the strength and quality of a connection. From the outside, something may look wonderful, but there’s usually a crack in the foundation or layers of unresolved conflicts that erupt over time and result in a sudden break, very similar to an earthquake. Another issue to consider is that relationships are first and foremost a classroom for our souls’ growth and evolution. I am a romantic who believes in lasting soulmate love, and I admit my favorite Disney film was always Cinderella. There’s a place for that kind of lasting romance, but we usually have to endure and grow through multiple relationships to get to that mountaintop experience. It’s a similar idea as when we go to school, there are many grades and many exams that must be passed before we can achieve a level of mastery and go on to graduate and benefit from the education permanently.

In our world, it’s tempting to place less value on relationships that have ended than on the ones that last happily ever after (if you’re wondering where those ones are hiding, we’ll go on a blogging scavenger hunt another day :)) I see each relationship as equal, only different, for several reasons. Firstly, love is a component that draws us into relationship, and no matter what else happens, the love that was exchanged in each case is real.  Love is an energy which  cannot be measured in numbers. The nature of love is that it has no beginning and no end, it’s infinite and vast, and perhaps beyond intellectual understanding. Also, if it was not for the stepping stone of each “failed” relationship that teaches us about our needs and wants, would we ever get to the ultimate one?

So another question that I often get asked is, how do you know when it’s truly over? Most of us at one time or another have gotten on the breakup makeup roller-coaster ride before the final ending. So how do we know? I believe the answer is different for each individual, and also for each relationship. But some common signs and signals that I have observed over the course of time as I work with clients are the following:

1. What used to be fun and bond the two of you no longer feels like much fun. Perhaps it even seems like a bit of a drag, or burdensome.

2. The energy and vitality of the connection seems dim, and does not bounce back after a while. This indicates that something is dying and it’s more than a relationship “rough patch”.

3. If it’s a newer relationship, some strong incompatibilities have come to light, and it’s hard to imagine a future or lifetime together.

4. revolving arguments or fights that don’t seem to find resolution occur regularly, or a tension filled silence becomes prevalent. In either case, what has happened is a breaking down of communication.

5. The relationship seems to hinder rather than support the full unfolding and expression of one or both parties. We must remember that our first commitment as human beings is to our own growth and evolution and becoming, and fulfilling our greatest dreams and potential should never be sacrificed.

 

Finally, some tips for recovering from the sudden shock of your breakup:

Slow down the pace, forget your regular routine, do only what you must as much as possible for a while. You can regroup and make a new plan later when the dust has settled and life feels more solid and safe.

Reach out and enjoy your friends and family more than ever, ask for support and receive it graciously. You need the warmth of those who know and love you unconditionally more than ever.

If possible, and if it resonates, take a break from heavy dating, and from trying to immediately find the next big relationship or the one. A break to settle your emotions, mind, and perhaps your life, is often just what the doctor ordered.

Last but not least, ( and this may just be my foodie thing), eat a few comfort foods, but balance it with exercise or lots of veggies on the other side 🙂

Here’s to speedy healing and the next great phase of your life ahead!